Under The Influence
by Cress
Summary: Joey-Chandler slash. During episode 318, TOW The Hypnosis Tape, Chandler becomes a different person.
1. Side Effects

[For dusty, who requested this plot. You may remember that Chandler quit smoking using a hypnosis tape, and he started acting like a "strong, confident woman." But for this story, please assume that Joey never overheard the tape in that episode, nor altered it. So an unsuspecting Chandler kept listening to the tape for the whole two weeks that Rachel recommended it.  
  
Note on the use of pronouns: I will still refer to Chandler as a 'he' because he's not really a transsexual, just a person temporarily messed up by a hypnosis tape.]  
  
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Sitting in his apartment on one of the stools, Chandler was checking his appearance in a hand mirror and trying to decide how many buttons to leave unbuttoned from the top of his shirt. Not that he had any actual cleavage to show off, but Chandler had learned from his father the drag queen that illusion was everything.  
  
Just then, Chandler heard Joey coming home, so he quickly hid the mirror beneath a magazine and tried to look casual. He sprawled across the kitchen counter and smiled the warmest of smiles at Joey. "Hi," he murmured sweetly.  
  
"Um, hi," Joey responded awkwardly. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, then turned to look through his mail.  
  
Chandler waited and kept gazing at Joey admiringly. He wanted to say, "Welcome home, honey," but didn't. Instead he asked, "How'd your audition go?"  
  
Joey put down the mail. "Oh, great! Yeah, I think I have a real shot at getting it."  
  
"Yeah?" Chandler smiled and leaned closer with interest. "What's the part?"  
  
"It's the lead in this play, *Boxing Day*. Yeah, I'd be playing Victor, this guy who fights with his wife all the time, and he's gonna leave her, but for a secret reason. I don't want to ruin the surprise ending."  
  
"It sounds great." Chandler reached out and brushed Joey's arm fondly. "Good luck, Joe."  
  
"Uh, thanks. Thanks a lot." Joey nervously pulled his arm away and stepped back toward the foosball table.  
  
Chandler had been acting very weird lately, and the gang had attributed it to stress over Ross and Rachel's breakup, as well as his quitting cigarettes again. But moments like this made Joey suspect that the bizarre behavior had a different cause. Was it possible that Chandler might be gay after all? And that, like his dad, Chandler was late in coming out of the closet? Joey wasn't sure what to believe.  
  
Caution seemed to be the wisest course of action, so Joey cleared his throat and shrugged casually, "Um, do you wanna play some foosball, Chandler?"  
  
"Maybe later," Chandler answered. "Actually, I was wondering something, Joe. Do you wanna go out with me tonight?"  
  
"You mean to a game? Sure."  
  
Chandler shook his head and smiled. "No, actually I was thinking about dinner. And a movie."  
  
Joey stared at Chandler. "You mean a date?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
After an awkward pause, Joey put down his beer and asked, "You're--you're joking, right?"  
  
"No, I'm not." Chandler met his eyes with complete seriousness. "I'm not drunk either. I'm just doing something that I should have done a long time ago."  
  
"Well, um... That's, that's--" Joey gulped and couldn't think properly. "Wow." He was completely lost and overwhelmed. Chandler wasn't just coming out; he was hitting on Joey too.  
  
Chandler smiled at Joey's incoherence. "What's the matter? You feel weird about me asking you?"  
  
Joey nodded frantically.  
  
Chandler shrugged and said, "Well, I would have waited for one of your pickup lines, Joe, but you didn't seem to be getting around to it any time soon. I thought I'd just do it and save you the trouble, you know?"  
  
Frowning, Joey was even more confused. "You--you've been waiting for me... to ask you out?" Since when did anyone, let alone Chandler, think that Joey was gay?  
  
"Sure," Chandler laughed with amusement. "I've never seen you be so hesitant and shy with a girl, Joe. I mean, you'd think that you would've made a move right after that kiss at New Year's."  
  
"Oh," Joey blinked and realized that Chandler didn't regard that kiss as a meaningless, caught-up-in-the-moment act after all.  
  
Chandler watched Joey's eyes and smiled flirtatiously. "You remember that kiss, huh?"  
  
Joey swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."  
  
Confident that Joey's quietness indicated a reciprocal attraction, Chandler said, "So let's do more of that, Joey. Let's get closer. We don't have to stay just roommates forever. We don't have to be just friends."  
  
Joey stared into Chandler's eyes searchingly and wondered how Chandler could be so calm and matter of fact about this. Joey's head was whirling with conflicted emotions.  
  
"You still haven't answered me," Chandler prompted him. "Do you wanna date me or not? It's just a simple yes or no."  
  
Joey struggled for words. "I just, um... This is so sudden. I-I didn't think you'd ever--I mean, all the time, we're just hanging out like buddies, and I just, I just--"  
  
To put an end to Joey's adorable, but lengthy, rambling, Chandler got off the stool and came toward him.  
  
Joey gasped and backed into the foosball table.  
  
Chandler grinned in surprise. "What? Are you afraid of me? Don't worry, I don't bite." He caressed Joey's cheek softly. "Unless you want me to."  
  
Joey trembled at the thought.  
  
Watching his eyes, Chandler leaned near and kissed Joey's lips lightly.  
  
Joey hesitated for a moment, as if frozen, but then he suddenly grabbed Chandler and kissed him back passionately. Part of him remained a little bit afraid, but he couldn't resist the desire to surrender and believe that it was as simple as Chandler made it sound.  
  
Quite pleased, Chandler melted into his embrace and wrapped his arms around Joey's neck. "Mmm," he whispered seductively, "that feels more like an end-of-the-date kiss to me. How about we skip straight to the sex?"  
  
Catching his breath, Joey was stunned and amazed again. "You--you sure you want to do that? Right now?" Though he was definitely attracted to Chandler, and had been for a long time, Joey wasn't prepared to have sex already. He had never slept with a guy before, and he believed that Chandler hadn't either, despite his strangely confident attitude.  
  
Chandler just smiled and kissed Joey warmly. "Why not now? What do we need a date for, Joe? We already know all about each other. Come on," he took Joey's hand and pulled him toward his bedroom.  
  
With wide eyes, Joey shrugged and went along. Either Chandler had been with a guy before, or he really knew how to bluff.  
  
As they squeezed around the entertainment center together, Chandler teased him, "Admit it, you slashed my door in half so that you could peek at me when I get dressed in the morning."  
  
Joey chuckled. It really had been an accident, but he surely should have thought of taking advantage of it. There was apparently a reason why Chandler still hadn't requested that Joey fix the door.  
  
Shutting both halves of the door, they made out feverishly and moved toward the bed together. Chandler squeezed Joey's butt, which made him jump a little, but also turned him on. Since when was Chandler so aggressive and grabby? He didn't act so brazenly with women, from what Joey could hear on the other side of the wall.  
  
Joey restrained Chandler's roving hands for a moment and warned softly, "Chandler, slow down a little. This is our first time."  
  
"I'm sorry. Yeah, it should be special. I just, I just want you so bad."  
  
"Me too." Joey gave him a hot, lingering kiss, then sat Chandler down on the bed and began undressing him.  
  
For now, Chandler went along with Joey's slow, sensual pace, and they stripped off all their clothes, throwing them into a pile on floor. 


	2. Suspension of Disbelief

Soon they were naked and rolling around under the covers, still kissing all the while. The more intimate they became, the more Chandler should have snapped out of the delusion that he was a woman, but the hypnosis had sunk deep into Chandler's subconscious over the past two weeks, rendering him blind to physical reality.  
  
So Chandler didn't understand why Joey continued to be shy in his lovemaking. "Don't tease me, Joe," he begged.  
  
"I'm not," Joey replied truthfully, still trying to adjust to having sex with a guy.  
  
Chandler didn't believe him and wanted to pick up the pace. So he pulled Joey closer and fondled his growing erection.  
  
Joey closed his eyes and bit his lip achingly. Chandler seemed so eager and unafraid, so different from what Joey had expected when he imagined crossing this line with him. Perhaps the way that Chandler's father had come out and turned into a flaming drag queen ought to have been a clue that Chandler would adjust well to gay sex.  
  
Trying to keep up with him, Joey tentatively touched Chandler's erection, but Chandler gasped and drew back from him with confusion. The illusion had been disturbed.  
  
"What's wrong?" Joey looked up worriedly.  
  
Chandler frowned and wasn't quite sure. Something wasn't quite adding up somehow. Something was off, but he couldn't find words for it, nor think very clearly.  
  
"You don't like that?" Joey guessed. "I'm sorry." Joey believed that his inexperience was responsible for the awkwardness, so he made amends with sensual kisses and caresses all over the rest of Chandler's body. They were moves that could be applied to either gender, and in fact, Joey had tested most of the moves on women.  
  
Chandler relaxed again and responded warmly. "Oh, Joey." He spread his legs invitingly.  
  
Very aroused, Joey exhaled and slowly ran his hands along Chandler's thighs. He'd always wanted to do this, but because of how aggressive Chandler had acted so far, he wasn't sure that Chandler actually wanted to be on bottom. "You want me to?"  
  
"Yes!" Chandler hissed with desire. "Enough foreplay. I'm ready."  
  
Joey highly doubted that, but he reached into the night-stand for condoms. "No lube? Wait, I got some." He got out of bed and hurried to his bedroom.  
  
Left alone, Chandler groaned impatiently and wondered why Joey thought that lubricant would be necessary. Surely Chandler should know when his own body was ready. For reference, he tried to recall other sexual experiences in the past, but they all seemed rather fuzzy and vague right now. Why did Chandler keep seeing women's faces? Were they women that he'd seen Joey with, or were they lesbian dreams? Again, something wasn't quite adding up in his brain.  
  
Just then, Joey returned and slid back into bed, giving Chandler a loving kiss. Then he rolled Chandler over and began preparing him. Joey had taken women this way before, and knew how to be gentle or rough as necessary.  
  
Surprised, Chandler made no objection and felt rather turned on by Joey's choice of positions. This was definitely something Chandler had not done before, and now he understood the reason for the delay.  
  
With lubricated fingers, Joey carefully coaxed Chandler open. "You sure about this?" he asked. "It's not too soon?"  
  
"I'm sure," Chandler nodded.  
  
Once Chandler was ready, Joey penetrated him, and they had hot, sweaty sex until they both shuddered in ecstasy. Chandler's mind conveniently blocked out all details concerning his own erection, except for a general warmth, pleasure, and moisture.  
  
After Joey withdrew and tossed away the condom, he returned to Chandler's side and kissed him tenderly. "Oh, that was so good," he murmured.  
  
"Better than good!" Chandler snuggled close to Joey and kissed him back.  
  
Joey smiled and nodded, looking into his eyes. "It was... amazing." Then he frowned in apology. "Hey, I'm sorry about before. I'll get better, okay?" He was glad that Chandler had come without direct contact to anything besides his prostate, because Joey really didn't know how to tackle Chandler's erection after his apparent mistake earlier. Perhaps what they needed was some gay porn, or a sex manual.  
  
Chandler laid his head on Joey's shoulder and asked pensively, "Why were you so nervous with me, Joe? I'm not that different from all those girls you've been with before."  
  
"Different enough," Joey said.  
  
Chandler shook his head dismissively. "So I don't wear dresses or makeup. So we're friends first. That doesn't mean we can't want each other, right?"  
  
"Right." Joey nodded and ran his fingers through Chandler's hair.  
  
"So why did you wait so long, Joey? How come I had to ask you out before you'd kiss me like that?"  
  
Joey shrugged and sighed. "'Cause it's you, Chandler. You're--you're my best friend and my roommate, and it could go so wrong. Like Ross and Rachel, only worse."  
  
Chandler nodded and thought of that recent, disastrous breakup between their friends. "You're afraid we'll end up like them?"  
  
"Yeah, maybe. All of us thought they were perfect for each other, and now look at them!" He hugged Chandler tight and looked worried. "I don't want us to break up someday and hate each other, Chandler. I can't lose you."  
  
"You won't," Chandler assured him. "We'll learn from their mistakes."  
  
"Are you sure? What if--?"  
  
Chandler interrupted. "Look, even if we break up, I promise we'll make up and be friends again." He smiled and added, "And we can have bonus sex all the time."  
  
Joey kissed him with a laugh and felt much better. "And who knows?" he said hopefully, "maybe--maybe we'll never breakup."  
  
Chandler smiled flirtatiously. "What, you gonna give up all your one-night stands for me?"  
  
"Maybe." Joey's eyes showed how serious he was, and he whispered, "I-I never felt this way about anybody before, Chandler."  
  
Touched, Chandler clung to him and kissed him lovingly. "Me neither."  
  
Feeling happy and secure, they made out for a while, until Joey pulled away and glanced at the clock.  
  
"You hungry, Chandler? We missed dinner."  
  
"Yeah, I could eat some pizza."  
  
"Okay, I'll go order for us." Joey kissed Chandler lightly, then got out of bed and put on his pants and a t-shirt. "Pepperoni, right?"  
  
Chandler nodded, and Joey left for the living room.  
  
After lying there and basking happily for a moment, Chandler sat up and reached for Joey's button up shirt that he'd left behind on the floor. Chandler smelled the shirt happily, and was glad that he'd finally gone ahead and asked Joey for a date. Ever since Chandler had quit smoking this time, he had felt strong and confident. But also feminine too.  
  
Missing Joey already, Chandler put on the shirt and buttoned it up, feeling so much closer to him now. Being wrapped in Joey's shirt was almost as good as being wrapped in Joey's arms. Almost.  
  
Chandler got out of bed and joined Joey in the living room. 


	3. An Unexpected Discovery

Joey had already called the pizza place, and was now checking his wallet for cash. It looked like he'd have to borrow money from Chandler again. He sighed and hoped that he'd make more money soon, if and when he got the part as Victor in that play.  
  
Chandler came up to Joey flirtatiously, "Hey, honey."  
  
Joey turned around and smiled. "Hey." He noticed that Chandler was naked but for Joey's shirt. "You look good."  
  
"So do you." Chandler kissed him and wanted to climb onto Joey's lap.  
  
"Whoa," Joey stopped him and got off of the stool instead. He didn't think that the stool could support the weight of both of them. Joey wrapped his arms around Chandler's waist and kissed him.  
  
Chandler sighed happily and suggested, "Let's do it on the couch."  
  
Joey chuckled at his eagerness, but shook his head. "Not right now. I just got dressed. Oh, and can I borrow some cash for the pizza guy?"  
  
"Okay," Chandler returned to his room and came back with his wallet.  
  
"Thanks," Joey was rather embarrassed to borrow the money. "I promise I'll pay you back when I get that part."  
  
Chandler just hugged him close again. "I don't care. Kiss me."  
  
They kissed some more, until Joey felt the need to warn Chandler to go get dressed. "You can't stay out here like this, Chandler. You want the pizza guy to know that you're sleeping with me?"  
  
"I don't care," Chandler laid his head on Joey's shoulder. "I don't care if anybody knows that I'm your girlfriend now."  
  
Joey would have commented on the term "girlfriend" and would have suggested "lover" or "boyfriend" instead, but suddenly Rachel came in without knocking.  
  
"Hi, I came to get--" She saw them and gasped. "Oh my God!"  
  
Joey turned around and gently pushed Chandler behind him, to hide his near nudity. Joey blushed. "I'm--I'm sorry. We should have locked that door, huh?"  
  
Chandler peeked around Joey confidently, "Hi, Rachel! What did you come to get?"  
  
She stammered, "Oh, um, um, I came to get back that hypnosis tape from you. I mean, it's been two weeks now. You should be cured of smoking for good."  
  
"Oh, okay." Chandler went back into the bedroom.  
  
Joey and Rachel exchanged awkward glances.  
  
Rachel tried to make chit chat. "So, um, how--how long have you guys been... together?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "It just happened today, actually. I would have thought that Chandler would be more embarrassed about it, but I don't know, he's been acting so different lately."  
  
"Yeah." Rachel nodded. "Oh! Is that why this happened? 'Cause he's been so feminine?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "No, I--"  
  
Chandler came back with the cassette tape for Rachel. "Here you go. Tell your friend at work thanks. It really helped me."  
  
"Okay," Rachel said. "Well, ahem, I'll get this back to her now. But, listen, do you guys want me to, uh, to keep this news to myself?"  
  
"You mean us?" Chandler asked, clinging to Joey's arm.  
  
"Yeah," Rachel said. "I know I'm such a gossip, but I think I could hold this back for your sake. At least for a little while. I mean, this is big important stuff, you know."  
  
Joey looked to Chandler. "You want to wait on telling everybody?"  
  
Chandler looked annoyed. "Why? I thought you really liked me, Joey."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then how come you don't want anybody to know?"  
  
"I do! I do want people to know," Joey said. "I meant just for now, until you're comfortable with this. Until we decide what we're gonna say."  
  
"Say that we're lovers, and you're not gonna sleep around with all those girls anymore. You're gonna be with me."  
  
"Okay, but what about the other stuff? Are we gonna tell people at your office too? When and how are we gonna tell our parents that we're gay?"  
  
"Gay?"  
  
"Yeah. I mean, unless you think we're bi or something."  
  
Chandler stared at Joey blankly. "What--what are you talking about?"  
  
Joey was confused. "Huh?"  
  
Rachel turned to the door. "You know, what? I'm just gonna go and let you two talk. I won't tell anybody about you guys until you tell me it's okay. Bye." She quickly made her escape.  
  
Chandler remained utterly bewildered. "Why are you talking about being gay?"  
  
"Well, what else would you call us?" Joey noticed the time and pulled Chandler back into his bedroom. "Come on, the pizza guy is gonna see you. You wait in here for a second, or at least put on a robe."  
  
Chandler held onto Joey in the doorway, clinging to his arms. "But I don't understand. Are you--are you saying you want me... because I'm like a guy?"  
  
Joey wrinkled his eyebrows. "You are a guy."  
  
"What?" Chandler frowned. "That's not funny. Just 'cause I'm not like other women--"  
  
"Women?" Joey stared at him and couldn't believe that Chandler was serious. "Chandler, you're a guy. Just like me. We're both guys."  
  
"What?" Chandler was stunned and insulted. "I'm not a guy! You don't sleep with guys, do you?"  
  
"Well, now I do!" Joey was exasperated. "Chandler, I *just* had sex with you! Do you think I didn't notice *this*?" Joey touched Chandler intimately to emphasize his point.  
  
Chandler shrank away, shocked and confused. "What the--!" Chandler stared down and seemed to be seeing himself for the first time. Even in the shower, his mind had played tricks on him lately about his gender. "Oh my God! How did--? Where? What?"  
  
"Chandler?" Joey came nearer.  
  
"I don't understand!" Chandler broke down hysterically and ran to hide under the covers of his bed. 


	4. An Identity Crisis

Shutting the door, Joey followed him and sat on the bed, hugging Chandler comfortingly. "Shh, shh, calm down. It's all right. Why, why did you ever think you were a girl?"  
  
Chandler composed himself somewhat, but remained confused. "You mean, I've always been like this?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Of course! I mean, look around you. This is a guy's room. You've only got guy's clothes. You've only got condoms, no tampons or makeup. This whole apartment is just for guys. Just for us."  
  
Chandler shrugged and tried to make sense of it. "I thought--I thought I was just a tomboy or something. That's why we get along so well."  
  
Joey shook his head. "We're *guys*. That's why we get along. Come on, Chandler, don't you remember going to an all boys' high school? Don't you remember sleeping with women?"  
  
"I-I remember something like that. I don't know, it's faint. It's--it's like a dream. I remember kids calling me a girl in kindergarten."  
  
Joey pulled him closer, helping Chandler sit up and put his head on Joey's shoulder. "Well then I guess I'll have to refresh your memory. You probably have a high school yearbook around here somewhere, and me and the gang can tell you about all your girlfriends. You know, like Janice."  
  
"Janice?" Chandler searched in his mind for details. "Long hair? Annoying laugh?"  
  
"Yeah!" Joey said. "See, you remember."  
  
"A little bit." He was surprised at the flashes of memory that were starting to come back now. "What, what happened to me?"  
  
Joey felt just as bewildered. "I-I don't know. You've been acting strange for the past couple of weeks, Chandler. Everybody said it was just a phase, like when you freaked out over Ross and Rachel's breakup because it reminded you of your parents' divorce."  
  
Chandler nodded as he remembered. "And I started smoking again."  
  
"Yeah, then Rachel gave you the hypnosis tape to help you quit. That's when you started acting weird."  
  
"Weird?"  
  
"You know, like a woman. Only we didn't realize that was it. We thought, maybe you're only stressed out or something. It was just small things at first, so we humored you." Joey frowned and realized how blind he and the others had been. "The gang said to give it a while, and if the weird stuff didn't go away, we'd talk it over with you and maybe get you some help, like when your parents sent you to that therapist to help you cope with their divorce."  
  
"Oh." Chandler absorbed that information and nervously pulled at the buttons of his shirt. But it wasn't his shirt, he realized. It was Joey's. "We--we had sex," he whispered.  
  
"Yeah," Joey nodded and then winced with shame and horror. "Oh no! I did that to you, and you thought--" He gasped and abruptly let go of Chandler, shaking his head remorsefully. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"  
  
Chandler approached him and tried to get back into Joey's arms.  
  
Joey just turned away and covered his face, repeating over and over, "What did I do?"  
  
"Joey!" Chandler grabbed his arm. "You didn't do anything wrong. I asked you out. I kissed you. I said 'Let's have sex now.'"  
  
"But how stupid could I be?" Joey felt wretched with guilt.  
  
"Stupid?" Chandler scoffed. "How about me not knowing what's between my legs?"  
  
Joey still blamed himself. "I should have stopped it. I should have known you weren't acting like yourself, that it was too easy." He swallowed agonizingly. "I just, I thought you wanted me too. I thought it was real."  
  
"It was! It is!" He kissed Joey's shoulder reassuringly. "You took it slow. You kept asking me if I was sure. You gave me every chance to say no, Joey, and I didn't. I wanted it. I wanted you." Chandler hugged him tight. "I--I still want you. Did you mean what you said, Joe? You don't want to lose me? You'd give up girls for me?"  
  
Joey brushed away the questions as irrelevant. "I'm sorry, Chandler. I promise I won't come onto you again." He choked up. "I'll--I'll even move out if you want me to."  
  
"No!" Chandler moaned, clinging to him. "Don't leave me, Joe! I did it. I--" He realized something and turned Joey to face him. "Wait, you knew I was a guy and you still wanted me? You're--you're gay?"  
  
Joey shrugged and knew there was no use in denying it, after what he'd done. He frowned. "Yeah, I guess."  
  
Chandler insisted on knowing more. "How long? I mean, it wasn't just because I've been acting like a girl lately?"  
  
"No," Joey shook his head and sighed. "I--I've been thinking about you for a long time and, and I've been hiding it until today. I'm so, so sorry!"  
  
"Don't," Chandler suddenly smiled. "Don't be sorry, Joe." He moved to kiss Joey.  
  
Joey flinched. "No, Chandler, you're a guy--" He thought Chandler was just getting confused again.  
  
"I know!" Chandler answered. "I know I'm a guy. I'm gay too."  
  
"No, you're not. You're straight--"  
  
"I'm gay!" Chandler kissed him insistently. "I remember now. I've wanted you for a long time too, ever since that New Year's kiss. I just never thought you'd be gay, Joey, never! But when I thought I was a woman, suddenly everything seemed easy. You'd want me, and we could date and have sex. I mean, it might take some work for me to convince you to stay with me and not dump me like all your one-night stands, but somehow, I was confident that I could do it."  
  
Joey shook his head and didn't dare to believe him. "You don't remember that, Chandler! You're just confused. You're just saying that because of what I said--"  
  
"No!" Chandler kissed him again and reached to unzip Joey's pants. "Here, I'll show you."  
  
Joey pulled away from him firmly. "No! No, we can't do that again. It's wrong. I won't take advantage of you."  
  
"Joey!" Chandler begged. "How do I convince you? I really, really wanna be with you. I was so desperate to be with you that I made myself crazy! Don't you see?"  
  
"But what if it's not true? What if we take you to a shrink and you get cured and you don't want me anymore? What if you hate me for what I did?"  
  
"I couldn't. I could never hate you. I love you."  
  
Joey blinked and stared at Chandler. He wanted very much to say the same, but he held back. "How can I believe you?"  
  
Suddenly, they heard a noise from the living room and turned. It sounded like someone knocking, then opening the apartment door.  
  
Joey frowned and remembered. "That must be the pizza guy. We left our wallets out there." With a sad glance at Chandler, Joey got up and hurried into the living room. 


	5. The Mysterious Sock

Instead of the pizza guy, Joey found Rachel in their apartment. She was writing something on the Magna-Doodle. "Rachel?"  
  
She jumped and turned around. "Joey! You scared me." She grimaced and averted her eyes. "And, and you're fly's open."  
  
Joey blushed and corrected that problem. "Um, what are you doing back here?"  
  
Rachel pointed out the pizza boxes that she'd placed on top of the foosball table. "Well, um, when I left you guys before, I started to go out for a walk to clear my head and, and return the tape. But then I ran into this pizza guy who said he was going to your apartment, and I thought, 'Oh-ho! He can't go into your apartment and see what I saw.' So I told the guy how we're neighbors and stuff, and I could take the pizzas."  
  
"Oh," Joey looked at the clock. "Yeah, I thought that guy was really late."  
  
Rachel nodded. "So I paid for these, and then I took them into my apartment, but then I got worried that Monica was gonna come home and ask me why I was holding pizzas for you. And plus, you guys would probably wonder where your pizzas were. So I waited around until I couldn't stand it, then I came over here and knocked on the door and brought these back to you. Oh, and I was gonna leave you guys a note and take back some money from Chandler's wallet over here."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, go ahead. Thanks, Rachel."  
  
She paid herself back from Chandler's wallet. "Anyway, I'm sorry your pizzas got cold, but you can always heat them up again, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Joey said.  
  
"All right, so I'm gonna go now."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"And I'm still keeping your secret, right, or did you and Chandler decide differently?"  
  
Joey winced at the thought of Chandler.  
  
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked.  
  
Joey frowned and cleared his throat. "Remember, remember when we all talked about sending him to a shrink?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I think, um, I think we need to go ahead and do that."  
  
"Really? 'Cause he's still acting weird?"  
  
Joey nodded and confessed quietly, "I think maybe it was a mistake sleeping with him."  
  
"Oh no! You mean you had a fight or something?"  
  
"No." Joey sighed. "He's just, he's just been really confused."  
  
Rachel looked concerned. "You mean he's not gay after all?"  
  
Joey didn't want to talk about it. "Let's let the shrink handle that. Uh, can you get the gang together so we can talk to Chandler tonight and get him some help?"  
  
Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'll do that. I'll see you tonight then. Bye." Still puzzled, she left and returned to her apartment across the hall.  
  
Joey stood there feeling lonely and guilty for a while, then he stared at the pizza boxes and figured that the least he could do was have some dinner with Chandler. That would maybe ease some of the tension between them. So Joey picked up their wallets and returned to Chandler's room.  
  
***  
  
"Joey!" Chandler sat up in bed and looked at him anxiously.  
  
Joey stood in the doorway and wouldn't come in. "Um, here's your wallet," he tossed it toward Chandler's pile of clothes. "Rachel came by to drop off our pizzas. You still hungry? 'Cause I can go reheat them now."  
  
Chandler didn't care about that. "Come here, Joey. Please."  
  
"No," he said. "Just go get dressed, okay?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Chandler, come on. We're gonna go talk to the gang about--"  
  
"No!" Chandler refused to hear him out. "I have to show you something. I've got proof."  
  
"Proof?" Joey blinked.  
  
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I've always wanted you, Joe. Not just this past couple of weeks. Always. Come here, please."  
  
Joey was wary, but curious about this supposed proof. He came into the room, but didn't sit down on the bed.  
  
Chandler reached for the mysterious sock that he always kept by his bed. "You wanna know why I sleep with this? Look." He showed Joey the object that had been concealed inside the sock all along.  
  
Stunned, Joey finally sat down on the bed and stared at it with wide eyes. "It's a--"  
  
Chandler nodded and explained, "I bought this back in college, when I was desperate I guess. I could never get a date with a girl, and when I went to a bar in Atlantic City, there was this really cute guy that I kissed." He shrugged. "I might have, I don't know, I might have gone home with him if Ross hadn't seen us and teased me, thinking that I kissed the guy by mistake. So I just, I thought maybe I might be gay like my dad after all, but I didn't have the nerve to come up to any other guys. And I found this sex shop one day, and I bought this. I was too much of a coward to ever use it, but I could never throw it away."  
  
Joey stared and touched the dildo hesitantly, amazed that Chandler had ventured as far as he did.  
  
Chandler met Joey's eyes, "Even when I had sex with women, I used to think about it, sitting there, within reach... It turned me on so much that sometimes I wanted to ask the girl to use it on me, but I couldn't. I wanted it to be you. Just you."  
  
Joey swallowed and finally believed that Chandler truly wanted him. His confusion and weird behavior of the past two weeks were apparently caused by Chandler's desperate desire for him, not vice versa.  
  
"I love you," Chandler murmured and put his arms around Joey.  
  
Joey embraced him in return and kissed his cheek. "I love you too."  
  
"So can I, can I be your boyfriend?"  
  
Joey noticed his change of terminology and caressed his cheek. "Yeah."  
  
Chandler kissed him happily and tried to persuade Joey to get under the covers with him again, but Joey stopped him.  
  
"No, um, we should wait on that."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I want to be sure that I'm having sex with Chandler, not schizo-femmy Chandler. I want you to see a shrink and get better, okay?"  
  
"Okay." But Chandler remained disappointed. "Will you at least kiss me?"  
  
Joey nodded and kissed him lovingly, before breaking it off again. "Can you get dressed now? We should eat, and then go talk to the guys about finding you a shrink. Maybe they can help you remember other stuff too."  
  
Chandler agreed and got dressed, while Joey reheated the pizzas. 


	6. Giving Explanations

Joey and Chandler ate their pizzas together and discussed how they would explain things to their friends.  
  
"You want to tell them everything?" Joey asked him.  
  
Chandler sighed. "Yeah, I think it would help, even if it's embarrassing. I just can't understand why I would block out something so basic and obvious as me being a guy. I mean, I've wanted you for years, and I've quit smoking lots of times, but I've never gone this nuts before."  
  
"Maybe the shrink will know what happened. And keep it from happening again. I don't want you to take after your dad *that* much."  
  
Chandler shrugged. "I think I may have been channeling my mom too, with the way she pounces on her boy-toys."  
  
Joey frowned and asked, "Hey, Chandler, when you came onto me--what would you have done if I hadn't kissed you back? If I had been straight?"  
  
Chandler thought about it. "Well, I *did* think you were straight, Joe. Hence me being a woman to be with you. For some reason, I was absolutely sure that the only reason you wouldn't want to date me would be because we were roommates, and it might get weird. But if you rejected me, I had a plan to make you jealous by asking out this cute Brian guy from my office. I was gonna bring him home and make you hear us having sex all the time."  
  
"Whoa!"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "Anyway, if you or he was straight, I guess one of you would probably have pointed it out to me long before any sex started happening."  
  
"I see." Joey frowned. "This Brian guy--is he cuter than me?"  
  
Chandler smiled. "Of course not."  
  
***  
  
Later that evening, everyone but Joey and Chandler was gathered at Monica and Rachel's apartment.  
  
"Where are they, where are they?" Rachel was impatiently pacing around the living room.  
  
"Calm down," Monica said. "You're the one who called them to say when to meet."  
  
"I know! But what's taking them so long? They're just across the hall."  
  
Phoebe asked curiously, "When are you gonna give us a hint about what this meeting's for?"  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't. I'm not really sure myself, and what little I know--" She shut up quickly.  
  
"Yes?" Phoebe prompted her eagerly. "Come on, you're dying to tell us!"  
  
Rachel struggled with her conscience, and fortunately, the guys arrived just then.  
  
They exchanged awkward hellos and joined the group in the living room.  
  
Joey cleared his throat nervously and sat down with Chandler on the couch. "Okay, thanks for coming. So, you guys know how Chandler's been acting weird lately?"  
  
They nodded along, and Phoebe guessed, "Oh, is this the part where we have the talk and send him to a shrink?"  
  
The others glared at her, and Joey shrugged. "Yeah, that, and we have to tell you guys something else. You see, um, I found out that Chandler's been acting like that because... well, he thought he was a woman."  
  
"What?!"  
  
Chandler assured them, "I don't anymore. Joey helped me with that."  
  
Ross asked in disbelief, "How could you think you're a woman? Do you not look in the mirror? Or shower?"  
  
"I know it doesn't make sense!" Chandler looked irritated. "Apparently I blocked stuff out. Look, I'm just as shocked and confused as all you guys, and I wish I could remember falling down and hitting my head on something, which would at least explain some stuff, but I can't."  
  
"Ooh, ooh!" Phoebe speculated, "Maybe Chandler got possessed by a woman's spirit, like that time Mrs. Adelman died on my massage table and hung around until the lesbian wedding. Did anybody nearby you die two weeks ago?"  
  
Chandler rolled his eyes and said, "Not that I know of."  
  
Rachel suggested, more sensibly, "Maybe it was just the stress and nicotine withdrawal. Plus all that leftover trauma from your parents' divorce, you know?"  
  
Chandler appreciated her support. "Yeah, that's what Joey's been telling me, and we'll see if a psychiatrist agrees. I hear you guys have already been looking for one."  
  
They admitted that they had been doing some looking around for him. The group started getting out names and phone numbers that they'd collected.  
  
"Sweetie, we really hope you get better," Monica said, handing over Dr. Weinburg's card.  
  
"Thanks," Chandler replied. "Oh, and in the meantime, can you guys help me out with something?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's just, while I thought I was a woman, these weird things kept happening to my memories, and I need help figuring what's real and what's imaginary."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Chandler gave an example. "Well, why do I remember a guy named Eddie? And another guy named Kip?"  
  
"Those were your other roommates besides me," Joey answered. "*Just* roommates."  
  
Everyone but Rachel was confused by that remark.  
  
Chandler frowned. "Then why was this Eddie guy watching me sleep and naming goldfish crackers after me? That sounds like a creepy, stalker boyfriend."  
  
Everyone looked at Chandler with wide eyes.  
  
Joey explained, "No, he was crazy and trying to scare you because he thought you slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish."  
  
"Why would I kill his fish?"  
  
Joey shrugged, "No idea."  
  
Chandler sighed. "Okay, so what about Kip?"  
  
"He was your roommate before me. He used to date Monica, but then they broke up, and the gang started phasing him out, so he left and got married to somebody."  
  
"Oh, I remember that. We had a fight about a hibachi we bought together."  
  
Joey nodded.  
  
Ross finally spoke up for the gang, "So, wait a minute. When you thought you were a woman, you started thinking that you'd had boyfriends?" He frowned and looked uncomfortable. "You didn't think I was your boyfriend, did you?"  
  
Chandler shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Because, through most of college, you were either moping about Rachel or falling in love with Carol. Right?"  
  
Ross nodded. "Right."  
  
Rachel looked at Ross for a moment, but let it go since she was anxious about Joey and Chandler's current relationship. From what she'd seen, they had clearly had sex, yet Chandler didn't seem at all embarrassed or uncomfortable being with Joey now. Had Joey somehow convinced Chandler that he'd imagined it?  
  
Chandler shrugged pensively. "Apparently, most of my memory is fine about you guys, except for stuff that contradicts the delusion of me being a woman. I mean, I barely remember any girlfriend I had besides Janice."  
  
"Ugh!" they made faces at her name.  
  
Ross remarked, "If only you remembered all your girlfriends *except* Janice! Better yet, if only we didn't remember Janice either."  
  
"I liked Janice," Phoebe commented, and imitated her nasal voice. "Hello, Chandler Bing!"  
  
They laughed, and Chandler had deja vu from the time that Mr. Heckles died, and everyone had been discussing how Chandler broke up with girlfriends for trivial reasons.  
  
Remembering something else, Chandler turned to Joey. "Wait, you--you kissed a guy too? It wasn't just me?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah. I didn't know she was a guy, though. I mean, I guess the Adam's apple should have been a hint..."  
  
The others stared at them.  
  
"You kissed a guy?" Monica asked Chandler. "I mean, besides Joey at New Year's?"  
  
Chandler said, "Ross, tell them the Atlantic City story."  
  
"What? Oh. You sure you want them to know?"  
  
"Well, I just said most of it. I kissed a guy in a bar. With tongue."  
  
"Wow!"  
  
Ross explained the story in more detail for them, not realizing that Chandler had kissed the guy on purpose.  
  
Monica giggled. "So actually, it was pretty easy for Chandler to delude himself into thinking he was a woman."  
  
"Or a gay man," Phoebe said.  
  
Chandler protested, "I didn't delude myself there. I--I am gay."  
  
They gasped and stared at him.  
  
Chandler took Joey's hand and announced, "We're both gay."  
  
"What? Joey's not gay!" Ross scoffed.  
  
"I am," Joey said, and put his arm around Chandler. "By the way, Ross, Chandler kissed that guy on purpose, but you teased him and put him back into the closet."  
  
"I-I did?" Ross blinked.  
  
"It's okay, I don't resent it now." Chandler smiled at Joey, "Let's just think of it as me saving myself for you."  
  
Joey nodded and kissed him sweetly, making the rest of the gang gasp. 


	7. The Reason Why

As soon as the guys kissed, Rachel jumped up and down and finally spilled the secret that she'd been holding in. "I saw them! I saw them earlier!"  
  
"What?" The gang turned to look at her.  
  
Rachel glanced at Joey and Chandler. "It's okay for me to tell, right?"  
  
They nodded and were glad to have the focus on someone else for a while.  
  
So Rachel told the others. "Um, today, I went to their apartment to get the hypnosis tape from Chandler, and I walked in on them kissing like that. And, and Chandler was wearing Joey's shirt and nothing else!"  
  
"What?!" Monica's eyes opened wide. "They were having sex?"  
  
Rachel shook her head. "Well not right then. They were just kissing and, um, cuddling, I guess. But it really did look like it was after sex."  
  
Chandler nodded, and Joey confirmed, "It was after."  
  
"Joey!" Ross yelled accusingly. "How could you do that? Even if we didn't know what was wrong, he's been really messed up lately. You don't come on to somebody who's obviously messed up."  
  
"Hey!" Chandler defended Joey, "I came onto him. He wanted just to kiss and take things slow, but I said we should have sex right away. I've just been waiting for so long, and I love him."  
  
Ross was stunned into silence.  
  
Joey kissed Chandler fondly and said, "I love you too."  
  
Phoebe smiled and clapped her hands. "Yay, I was right! You two are lobsters."  
  
"Huh?" Ross turned to look at her.  
  
Phoebe said, "Well, I didn't tell anybody that I thought they were lobsters. I mean, after how you and Rachel turned out, I decided I had to be more careful about saying that kind of stuff. But now I know I'm right, and they're meant to be together." She went to hug them. "I'm so happy for you guys."  
  
Joey and Chandler thanked her, while everybody else tried to figure out how to react.  
  
Confused, Monica summed things up to get it straight in her head, "So, um, first Chandler thought he was a woman, but he was really just gay. And then he came onto you, Joey, and you guys had sex, because you're gay too. And now you both love each other, even though Chandler doesn't think he's a woman anymore?"  
  
"Right," Joey said.  
  
"Wow."  
  
Rachel looked overwhelmed too. "Boy, that's a lot to happen all at once. But wait, are you still gonna see a shrink, then?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler answered. "I'd like to get all my memories sorted out correctly. I don't want any of this I'm-a-woman junk stuck in my head."  
  
"Well we can help you with that," Phoebe said. "No need for a shrink."  
  
"Sure, but the shrink can maybe do something that you guys can't do. Like hypnotize me and make me all better really fast."  
  
Ross looked skeptical. "Even if hypnosis supposedly helped you quit smoking, Chandler, that doesn't mean that it'll do any good with your memories. In fact it could do some harm. I mean, I've read reports of fake memories being created by--" Then he realized something and glanced at Rachel. "Hypnosis."  
  
Rachel was confused. "What?"  
  
"Do you still have that stop-smoking tape you gave Chandler?"  
  
Everyone stared at her, and Rachel hurriedly got the hypnosis tape out of her purse. (She had forgotten to return it to her friend at work.)  
  
Ross took the tape and hurried to get a cassette player. "We should hear it just to check." He turned up the volume all the way, so that it could be heard by people wide awake.  
  
They all listened intently to the tape, and Chandler became deeply shocked as he heard the refrain.  
  
"Oh my God! A 'strong, confident woman'! That's why--!" Suddenly everything about the past two weeks made sense, and he turned to Rachel angrily. "You, you--your freaking hypnosis tape did it. Here I thought I was going crazy, and you--ugh!"  
  
Ross shut off the cassette player and took out the tape.  
  
Rachel felt awful. "I'm sorry, Chandler! My friend didn't tell me anything about that. How was I supposed to know that they made gender-specific hypnosis tapes?"  
  
Chandler fumed. "You hypnotized me! For all I knew, I could have been quacking like a duck whenever a bell went off. Thanks a lot, Rachel!" He stormed out.  
  
***  
  
Joey followed Chandler back to their apartment and shut the door. "So I guess you won't be going to a shrink after all?"  
  
"Nope! Apparently all I need are a few nights without listening to that damn tape." Chandler sat on their couch, brooding furiously and feeling deeply embarrassed. But then he suddenly burst out laughing.  
  
"Chandler?" Joey sat beside him and looked concerned.  
  
He spoke through his laughter, "At least I didn't start shaving my legs or wearing makeup and dresses. I was mostly myself."  
  
Joey shrugged. "Yeah, a tomboy."  
  
Chandler smiled, and caressed Joey's face. "I only wanted to be enough of a girl that you could want me. That you wouldn't laugh in my face if I asked you out."  
  
"I would never laugh." Joey kissed him lovingly and they embraced.  
  
Clinging to him, Chandler asked him coaxingly, "So you wanna sleep with me again?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "We shouldn't rush into anything."  
  
"Rush? I've been waiting so long to be with you that I let a hypnosis tape talk me into being a woman." Chandler met his eyes pleadingly. "Come on, make love to me. You know I really want you, and it has nothing to do with hypnosis."  
  
Joey remained firm. "We should still wait until you've got all that hypnosis out of your system."  
  
"Joey!" he sighed in frustration. Then Chandler clung to him and said, "Remember at your birthday party how I got drunk and kissed everybody? Monica, Rachel, Ross... I tried kissing Phoebe too, but she pushed me away in time. I thought for a while that I might kiss you too, and say it was just a birthday kiss, but then I chickened out because I really, really couldn't take it if you pushed me away."  
  
"And that's why you ended up groping my sister instead?"  
  
Chandler nodded with shame. He confessed further, "And I felt so guilty sometimes for paying all your bills and stuff, Joe. Like I was trying to buy your love."  
  
Joey hugged him reassuringly. "No, Chandler, don't feel bad about that. Whenever I have a good job and make some money, I buy you presents too, you know? Like the bracelet and the chairs and the big TV."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
They kissed each other passionately and murmured, "I love you" again.  
  
Chandler added, "I want you," and growled with desire. He wouldn't let up on his efforts to coax Joey back into bed, even biting him when Joey tried to restrain Chandler. Then Chandler's hands roved all over Joey, and he pressed their bodies tightly together, until Joey couldn't fight his desire any longer.  
  
"Oh, Chandler," he moaned.  
  
Surrendering to temptation, they hastily returned to Chandler's bedroom and tumbled into bed. They kicked off their shoes and socks and kept kissing fiercely.  
  
Joey met Chandler's eyes and whispered, "Can I touch you? You know, like I didn't get to before?"  
  
Chandler nodded and watched as Joey unzipped his pants and reached in to fondle him through his boxers. "Oh," Chandler closed his eyes and moaned.  
  
"I'm not hurting you?"  
  
"No," Chandler shook his head and urged him to continue. "Please, I want it! More! More!" He bit his lip and made Joey grip him hard. Chandler could feel every throbbing detail now, instead of the vague sensations caused by his hypnosis, and he wanted to enjoy every single bit of it.  
  
Joey eventually pulled off his pants and boxers, then tentatively stroked Chandler erect. He even bent down and tried a few sensual licks from the tip to the base, but he wasn't yet sure of himself, since he'd never given oral sex to a guy before. "Maybe some other time?" he said softly, and was glad that Chandler didn't mind his nervousness.  
  
They kissed deeply again and hurried to finish undressing, so that they could tangle their naked bodies together. They got under the covers and frantically rolled around in the sheets for friction.  
  
Chandler sighed and murmured, "Maybe this time I'll be on top."  
  
Joey blinked and tried not to be nervous. It was a good thing that Chandler didn't want to be a submissive female anymore; it meant that the hypnosis was wearing off. "I love you," Joey whispered, toying around with Chandler's nipples.  
  
Chandler looked at him questioningly, "You don't want to?"  
  
Joey frowned and met his eyes. "It's just, I've never had sex like that before. I don't know what it will feel like if I'm being fucked. Chandler, when I did it to you, did it hurt?"  
  
"A little bit, but it was good."  
  
"How good?"  
  
Chandler pulled him nearer, "How about I show you with just my fingers? If you don't like it, you can fuck me again. But if you do like it, maybe we could, you know," he gestured toward his sock, "use that. And if you like that, maybe you'd like the real thing."  
  
Joey relaxed considerably and agreed to this plan. "Okay."  
  
Chandler kissed him and reached for the sex toy from his sock, letting Joey look at it and see how unthreatening it was in size. Then Chandler found the lubricant again, and slicked up his fingers so that he could tease and gently probe at Joey's opening.  
  
Joey sighed and responded well to the touch. "That's good. Hey, come over here. Let me do you too." So without pressure, they played with each other and explored exactly what each of them liked. Chandler got to put many things inside Joey that night, in many positions, and Joey learned how lucky he was that Chandler was a guy after all.  
  
The End 


End file.
